Leadership
Sorry guys, have been tired for the past 2 days rushing in on assignments. Finally what I have feared worst had already happened after I finished writing this post so here I am editing this post again. It came in the form of an email this morning. I guess I would be off for a long time after this and maybe the part 2 post wouldn't even materialize. The email is self explanatory. I would be putting this blog in silence for a week as a sign of respect to my buddy.
(disclaimer - the following has nothing to do with politics)
Say you are a leader somewhere leading a group of people. You once used to be the head and now someone took over but you are still one of the leaders in the group. Then you found out someone (or a few) in your group is doing something against the law against another member in the group you are leading(eg defamatory, death threats, bully, intimidation etc). What would you do? or should I rephrase that as what do you think is the right thing to do?
Would you a) Act as if nothing has happened because they are your friend and you personally do have an amount of unhappiness towards the person on the receiving end? or would you b) Act against the few as you have been entrusted with the power and authority as one of the leaders? This is one of the question which one of my junior scout (who is now leading a group of rover scouts in Johore) ask me but still think this can be referred to in real life context.
I asked him what did he did and he said he went with the first choice because he said he does had an amount of hate against the guy on the receiving end because most of his close friends are against the guy but like it or not he has to live with it because so far he had did nothing wrong (or at least still non provable). My question is "could be those rumors be true or could they be false either?" If the allegations could not be ascertained of it's truth, then I think he is doing a big unjust to the guy on the receiving end.
I personally think if he has been strict to guy on the receiving end, then he should be doing the same against the others (his friends). Yes, that's a responsibility for a leader who is voted in by the group. "Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it. - Malcolm X". I hope he would have the problem resolved. Tell me what you guys think about the matter. Opinions can be different but at least we could evaluate the points together. I also found that rumors and gossips can be more damaging than if they are truth. The following is a situation where things are blown out of proportion because of a group of people spreading the news one from another when they don't know the full truth.
"A saw X coming out of a bookstore with Y after getting some books.
A tells B that she/he (I don't want to be called a gender biased guy here) saw X holding hands with Y getting out of the bookstore. (notice how things change when the news is passed on from one to another?)
B tells C that he/she saw or rather A tells him/her that he/she saw X and Y hugging and kissing each other outside the bookstore.(more spices)
Then D who heard only the hugging and kissing part minus the bookstore part and he/she passed the story to E saying that X and Y was saw hugging and kissing while getting into/out of a hotel.
E tells that to X's father(X is obviously a female here) and X's father took a shotgun and killed Y.
Then rumors get spread that Y made X pregnant and so the dad killed the guy and the others assume it must be true as things are being spread so fast."
Notice how things change from one person to another person? That is why at times we need to ascertain the truth of things before we pass them to another person or else it would be damaging. Yes, you may say it doesn't bother you because you are not on the receiving end but think of it, could you face yourself and your own conscience after doing what you have done? There is this email which I got long ago. I think I should share it.
"Socrates' Triple Filter Test
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem."
This guy reminds me of my old scout days when I took over the troop from the old guys. That's when I made a sacrifice for the better good. The old scouts never talked about the matter anymore nor would they even bring up the topic as I guess it's a dark chapter in their life. Someone asked me if I could just turn back time, would I change the course I have taken. My answer to that is 'NO'. I would not change what I did before as my efforts and sacrifice had bore fruits. Yes in the course I do suffer a lot and the new scouts might not even know me or what I had done for the troop then but it's still worth seeing what I had been fighting for becoming a reality.
I never regretted taking my course of actions and never will. You want to know why? That is because whether I am appreciated for doing what I have done or not, I am still being respected by those who stayed after what happened. Some does understand while there are those who does not. A lot of people does not see it the way I see it but it's okay. Read a post by one of those seniors who stayed back and took over from me as the Troop Leader. http://tenthkl.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/hello-10th-kl/
Back to the guy who asked me for advice. I would say at times the leadership needs to make a decision where they need to sacrifice all that they have but if it is for the better good, I think you should do it. Do things because they are the right thing to do and not because you are forced or pressured to do them. In life you will always have people going against you but what matters is you can face yourself when you do the right thing. That had brought me so far ahead till now and I guess I am not answerable to anyone other than myself. I hope you would make the right choice in handling your problem.
"A saw X coming out of a bookstore with Y after getting some books.
A tells B that she/he (I don't want to be called a gender biased guy here) saw X holding hands with Y getting out of the bookstore. (notice how things change when the news is passed on from one to another?)
B tells C that he/she saw or rather A tells him/her that he/she saw X and Y hugging and kissing each other outside the bookstore.(more spices)
Then D who heard only the hugging and kissing part minus the bookstore part and he/she passed the story to E saying that X and Y was saw hugging and kissing while getting into/out of a hotel.
E tells that to X's father(X is obviously a female here) and X's father took a shotgun and killed Y.
Then rumors get spread that Y made X pregnant and so the dad killed the guy and the others assume it must be true as things are being spread so fast."
Notice how things change from one person to another person? That is why at times we need to ascertain the truth of things before we pass them to another person or else it would be damaging. Yes, you may say it doesn't bother you because you are not on the receiving end but think of it, could you face yourself and your own conscience after doing what you have done? There is this email which I got long ago. I think I should share it.
"Socrates' Triple Filter Test
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem."
This guy reminds me of my old scout days when I took over the troop from the old guys. That's when I made a sacrifice for the better good. The old scouts never talked about the matter anymore nor would they even bring up the topic as I guess it's a dark chapter in their life. Someone asked me if I could just turn back time, would I change the course I have taken. My answer to that is 'NO'. I would not change what I did before as my efforts and sacrifice had bore fruits. Yes in the course I do suffer a lot and the new scouts might not even know me or what I had done for the troop then but it's still worth seeing what I had been fighting for becoming a reality.
I never regretted taking my course of actions and never will. You want to know why? That is because whether I am appreciated for doing what I have done or not, I am still being respected by those who stayed after what happened. Some does understand while there are those who does not. A lot of people does not see it the way I see it but it's okay. Read a post by one of those seniors who stayed back and took over from me as the Troop Leader. http://tenthkl.wordpress.com/2007/01/23/hello-10th-kl/
Back to the guy who asked me for advice. I would say at times the leadership needs to make a decision where they need to sacrifice all that they have but if it is for the better good, I think you should do it. Do things because they are the right thing to do and not because you are forced or pressured to do them. In life you will always have people going against you but what matters is you can face yourself when you do the right thing. That had brought me so far ahead till now and I guess I am not answerable to anyone other than myself. I hope you would make the right choice in handling your problem.
"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality." - Bishop Desmond Tutu
"When leaders act contrary to conscience, we must act contrary to leaders." - Veterans Fast for Life
Comments
Remember what happened to Danush once during the morning exercise session when I finally had it with him during the assembly? Yeah, I am still the guy I am 4 years ago. Can't tolerate with these nonsense. The best part is when her friend claimed I did this and that but isn't sure about her facts.
I think the best question I could ask is say I did something to one of them and if it's that bad that people like her claims to know, then would the other girl (so coincidentally is a friend of hers too) know what I did? And if she did you think we are going to get together? I think those with a brain would be able to figure this point out. Actually with the departure of my buddy, I am already sad and stressed out and here I am having to deal with all these crap and nonsense they throw at my face.
No need scared ok? Big bro bring you go see gold fish ok? Hahahaha. I think this sentence is more suited when you speak them instead. Hahaha. Actually, I have not forgotten what I learn in PRS. That is why I do weigh things and the implications they would have on others. If I am still the hot headed me 4 years ago, I would see to it that she get jailed already. Bloggers are not immune to the law. They do have to pay the consequences of what they put on their blog.
Yeah. Good suggestion. I totally left that out because I am so stressed out. Maybe I am just influenced by things around that I failed to see the other option. There is always good when you open discussions and get a third/outsiders view like we learn to consult others when we have matters in doubt. That's why I openly ask for views on the matter. I know I am affected emotionally so I might not make a good judgment.
If in my case I can use reasoning with her, my problems would be solved long time ago but you should know there are always people who are "Ngau pei dang long"(Who wouldn't listen to anything). In her case is even light up also wouldn't be bring but nevermind. She still have to put black paint. You get what I mean? At times when someone is determined you are the bad guy, they will never listen to whatever you say even if they are the truth.
Worse is when people who tries using their logic and reasons to see things get ridiculed by her. To her it's either you are with her or against her and there is no neutral point of view. don't bother la. Talking about her makes me mood less only.
Yeah, I would be looking forward to see some of the old boys once you can get hold of them. So are you going to organize the session? Maybe should ask Ms Choy Har and Ms Shyamala also. Actually I also lost contacts with the old scouts already. Maybe I should go back to school more often. I have not been back since Ms Moey retired. I only know from my bro that a lot of the old teachers had retired but at least I still keep in contact with Mr Loo, Pn Rahmah, Pn Majinah (Now afternoon supervisor already), Mr Liew, Mr Yee, Mr Peraga, Mr Thong, Ms Moey and auntie Mary.
One suggestion. Maybe we should go yam cha in the school canteen then we can see how much the canteen had changed. I know the uncle still sells drinks la. Family day also I am not in KL the other day. Haih. Add me on MSN la. lawwaihoe@hotmail.com Just don't send me virus can already.
you might not know who's min hao, but you do know who's au yong rite. mbs. 10th kl. ring any bells?
lol take care
Actually I remembered that you are in the same batch as Kuan Jun who work out to be the troop leader, Seong Bin, Wei Nan, Weng Hoe. Do you still keep in contact with them? I remembered the first few classes when I teach you guys about aviation and one guy (Josiah or something like that) who is very much into the topic likes my models so much. Actually I can't remember all of the names but I do remember the faces.
There are so many of you guys and time flies. Not to say I am bad or what but that's normal as I didn't see you guys for so long. I did remember training you guys for the foot drill competition which you guys are the youngest in the competition. Even Pn Rahmah asked me if I have confidence in you guys being able to march (we aren't even talking about winning lol) but you guys made me proud and my sacrifice worthwhile when I see you guys march. I did remember skipping classes after recess just to train up you guys.
I thought you would only remember me as the guy who got tortured when I took over the scouts from the old boys? Hahahaha. Your old post in tenthkl.wordpress.com did helped them to make me look bad but it's ok. You are just writing what you feel and I don't blame you. Because I know at that moment, if I had not done what I had done, things will always be the same and the troop will never change.
So hows life lately? Heard that you are in charge of the rover troop currently. It's been a long time since I last went back to school. Been busy with life and stuff. Do drop by and tell me what you guys are doing from time to time. Oh yeah, I met charlie the other day in college. Apparently his office is so near my college. Hahahaha.
Hope I can pull through with things I am on and get a better life. Anyway I am not complaining because I know and I am sure of what I did before and there is no point arguing till the cow comes home on things. Just save some energy and continue working on what I am doing. Do take care ok?
"We learnt cooking from Chef Wan, no kidding!"
Yeah learned cooking from chef Wam(Heng Yuen).
"We had to find our way out. Just about then, Heng Yuen said he heard cars nearby so he suggested Au Yong to race with Wai Hoe to the top. Haha! Au Yong lost!"
I don't even know you remembered this. Hahaha. Actually I have been up there before and I did a lot of cardio endurance training even before the camp. If not I wouldn't have enough energy to train you guys lol. Have to scream and shout at you guys all the time.
"I don’t know when was it when we played football….I forgot"
Second night when we used the military field.
"Served them some red bean (or sweet potato) (soup?)"
It's red bean.
I remembered that night I left out with your seniors, Yeng Fai and Kenneth and a few to sleep outside. End up playing poker for the night. Hahaha. After the Jeriau waterfall trip, did you notice half of the old boys and me were already missing? We were summoned back to KL for the MBSOBA dinner where I sat next to Mr Loo(Nope I am not going to comment about it).
sorry for that post anyway, but things are okay now, so whatever happened in 2002 is being compensated dy la. no ill feel to you also la, just to those who quitted only.
That is why I do punish my own brother in scout meetings to the extent that he complained that I do not take care of him as my brother. Look at it in my shoes. I have to be fair to everyone (all the other scouts). Yes in life he may be my brother. In scouts, I am the leader and when someone does something wrong, I have to put down the punishment as the leader.
There are times to make jokes around but there are times when jokes aren't appropriate. I adhere to the strict rule before I took over the scouts where I followed Scout Law no 7 where I still allow them to punish me for nothing. I took it as that day I am still under them. I did all that with Scout Law no 8.
There are many who had not known the history of what led to the events and instead make jokes out of it. I still bared with it and go on proving those people wrong. That is why you never hear about what happened then anymore. I know I would be proud of you guys when I took over.
Some people think my job is easy when I take over. Less did they know with the power comes the responsibility which is initially heavy as all of you guys are my responsibility. I can't share it with anyone as there are none from the old batch left. The only support I have is solely from the old boys, scouts and the school.
I am glad that they helped me in instilling leadership into you guys to shoulder off my burden. Seriously I am the only scout in the duration I am in scout to take over as leader and not be able to retire despite having exams. I still went for Sat meetings when I have exams because I know a batch of boys had their hopes on me to teach them.
I get ridiculed when I took over but has anyone asked "could I have done it all alone by myself?". If I get the support of the old scouts like Kwai Choong and the school then am I on the wrong side? I am relieved when people like Kenneth, Yeng Fai and Jag came back to help the scouts before I left. At that moment I had to handle both the senior troops and your Boy Scouts group.
Then all out of a sudden I get the teacher adviser selecting the Boy Scout's leaders. So my work doubled when I have to go all out against her will and get the old boys to intervene so you guys get a chance to choose your own leader. Trust me it is not an easy process. One hand I have my own life. On the other I have my responsibilities towards you guys, the school and the old boys.
At the very least what I had worked for bored the fruits of my sacrifice. Though the new guys may not know, I am still happy I did what I did and chose the choice i choose then. It was never easy but it is worth it.